10 June 2025
Self-esteem plays a massive role in a child's emotional well-being, shaping how they see themselves and the world around them. While every parent wants to raise confident, resilient children, one common trap many fall into is over-praising.
We've all done it—cheering a child on for the smallest task, handing out endless "good jobs," or treating every scribble as if it belongs in an art museum. While praise feels like the right way to boost self-esteem, too much of it (or the wrong kind) can have unintended effects.
So, how do you foster real confidence and self-worth in your child without overdoing the praise? Let's break it down.
For example:
❌ "Wow, you're so smart!"
✅ "I love how you kept trying even when that was tricky!"
This teaches kids that hard work and persistence matter, rather than just natural talent.
Rather than jumping in immediately, try saying:
🗣️ "Hmm, that looks tough. What do you think could work?"
When kids overcome obstacles, they feel a deep, internal sense of accomplishment, and that’s where real confidence comes from.
How can you encourage this?
- Use phrases like, "Mistakes help us learn!"
- Model learning from failures in your own life.
- Praise persistence: "You didn’t give up, and look how much better you got!"
When kids see struggles as a normal part of learning, they stop fearing failure and start embracing challenges.
For example:
❌ "You're an amazing artist!"
✅ "I love the colors you used in your drawing—it looks so creative!"
This helps children understand exactly what they did well, so they can repeat the behavior in the future.
For example:
- Let them choose their outfits (even if they pick mismatched socks).
- Ask, "What do you think we should do?" when they face a problem.
- Let them help with real tasks, like cooking or setting the table.
Kids feel proud and capable when they realize they can do things on their own.
Try to:
- Celebrate your own efforts: “I’m proud of how hard I worked today.”
- Speak kindly about yourself: “I made a mistake, but I’ll do better next time.”
- Show confidence in handling challenges: “This is tricky, but I can figure it out.”
When kids see you valuing effort and embracing mistakes, they’ll learn to do the same.
✅ "You must be so proud of yourself!" (Encourages internal validation)
✅ "That was tough, but you didn’t give up!" (Builds resilience)
✅ "I noticed you really took your time on this project." (Acknowledges effort)
✅ "What do you think about your work?" (Encourages self-reflection)
✅ "I love how you kept trying even when it was tricky." (Promotes perseverance)
These types of statements move the focus from pleasing others to feeling confident in their own abilities.
By shifting away from empty praise and towards meaningful encouragement, we help our kids grow into truly confident, resilient individuals.
And that’s something worth celebrating—not with a generic "Good job!" but with the knowledge that they can handle whatever life throws at them.
By focusing on effort over results, fostering independence, and encouraging a growth mindset, we give our kids the tools to believe in themselves—without needing validation from the outside world.
After all, true self-esteem doesn’t come from hearing "You're amazing!" all the time. It comes from knowing you’re capable, even when no one is watching.
all images in this post were generated using AI tools
Category:
Positive ParentingAuthor:
Zelda Gill