Parenting Expert Reveals 19 Things Kids Pretend To Understand But Are Actually Confused By

July 10, 2026 - 23:01

Children often nod, say "okay," and go along with what adults say, even when they are confused or unsure. Many things that feel obvious to adults were learned through years of experience. We spoke with parenting expert Celia Kibler to learn why children sometimes pretend to understand and how parents can better support them.

Kibler explains that kids want to please adults and avoid looking foolish. They pick up on social cues and quickly learn that saying "I don't get it" can lead to frustration or a long lecture. So they nod and smile instead.

Among the 19 things Kibler highlights are common phrases adults use without thinking. For example, "use your words" confuses toddlers who already think they are using words. "Be careful" is too vague for a child who does not know what specific danger to watch for. "Use your inside voice" often makes a child wonder where the "inside" is located.

Time concepts also trip kids up. Telling a child "we will leave in five minutes" means nothing to a preschooler who cannot read a clock. "Wait until your father gets home" creates hours of anxiety rather than understanding. Abstract ideas like "money does not grow on trees" are taken literally by young minds, who may then look for money on actual tree branches.

Social rules are another big area. Telling a child to "share" without explaining turn-taking often leads to confusion. "Say you are sorry" teaches a child to repeat words without feeling remorse. "Be nice" is too broad and does not tell a child what nice behavior looks like in a specific moment.

Kibler suggests parents replace vague instructions with concrete ones. Instead of "be good," say "keep your hands to yourself and use a quiet voice." Instead of "hurry up," say "put your shoes on now." She also recommends asking open-ended questions like "what do you think that means?" to check for understanding.

The goal is not to dumb things down, but to meet children where they are developmentally. When a child pretends to understand, it is usually a sign that they need clearer, simpler information.