If you want help from the village, sometimes it means playing by their rules

August 28, 2026 - 04:25

More than half of Australian parents admit they lean on grandparents for regular child care, and according to author Jessie Stephens, that support often comes with a hidden cost: your own parenting rules. Stephens, who has written openly about the realities of modern family life, says that asking for help from the village sometimes means playing by their rules, even when it clashes with your instincts.

For many families, the arrangement is practical. Grandparents provide free or low-cost care, offer a deep sense of love, and give parents a much-needed break. But the trade-off can be tricky. Maybe grandma lets the kids watch an extra hour of TV, or grandpa hands out sweets before dinner. Stephens argues that these moments are not failures of parenting but rather a natural part of a shared caregiving system. The key, she says, is meeting in the middle.

That means picking your battles. If the core values like safety and kindness are intact, a few relaxed boundaries might be worth the peace of mind. Stephens suggests that parents who insist on their own way all the time often end up with more stress and less help. Instead, she encourages open conversations, but also a willingness to let small things slide. After all, the bond between a grandparent and grandchild is precious, and sometimes the best parenting move is simply saying thank you and letting go.