Talking About Drugs and Alcohol with Your Teen

22 May 2025

Talking to your teenager about drugs and alcohol can feel like walking through a minefield. You want to be honest, but not too harsh. You want to warn them, but not scare them away from talking to you. It’s a tough conversation, but one of the most important ones you'll ever have as a parent.

The truth is, teens are exposed to substances earlier than ever, whether it’s at school, online, or through friends. If you don’t discuss it, someone else will—and they may not have your child's best interests at heart. So, how can you get through to them? Let’s break it down.

Why This Conversation Matters

You might think, “My kid knows better,” or “They’d never try drugs.” But peer pressure, curiosity, and stress can lead even the most well-behaved teen to experiment.

Consider this:

- Over 50% of teens have tried alcohol by age 18.
- 1 in 5 high school students has used marijuana in the past month.
- Prescription drug misuse is on the rise, with opioids and ADHD medications being common choices.

These numbers aren’t just statistics—they’re real teenagers making life-altering decisions. That’s why your voice needs to be the loudest in the conversation.

When Is the Right Time to Talk?

The short answer? Start early and keep talking.

While you don’t need to unload every detail on your 9-year-old, simple conversations about healthy choices can begin young. As they grow, your discussions should evolve to match their level of understanding.

Early Years (Ages 6-10)

At this stage, kids are soaking up everything like sponges. Use simple, clear explanations:

> “Medicine helps when we’re sick, but it can be dangerous if we take too much or use it when we don’t need it.”

Encourage open-ended questions to get their thoughts flowing:

> “Why do you think some people make bad choices about smoking or drinking?”

Pre-Teens (Ages 11-13)

This is prime time for curiosity, and many teens get exposed to substances for the first time during middle school.

Talk about peer pressure:
> “If someone offered you a drink at a party, what would you say?”

Practice role-playing different scenarios so they feel prepared.

Teen Years (Ages 14-18)

By now, they’ve likely seen or heard about drugs and alcohol firsthand. Be direct yet non-judgmental:

> “I know you’re going to be in situations where alcohol is around. Let’s talk about what that might look like.”

Show them you’re coming from a place of trust, not control.

How to Make It a Meaningful Conversation

1. Be Approachable, Not Preachy

The second you start listing facts like a textbook, your teen will tune out. Instead, make it a two-way conversation.

Instead of "Drugs are bad for you!" try:
> "I know some of your friends might drink or smoke. How do you feel about that?"

Let them talk. Really listen. Validate their feelings before offering advice.

2. Use Real-Life Stories

Scary statistics alone won't always get through, but real stories do. If you know someone affected by addiction, share their story. Explain how choices can spiral into consequences they never saw coming.

3. Talk About the ‘Why’ Behind Substance Use

Teens often turn to drugs or alcohol to:

- Fit in with friends
- Cope with stress, anxiety, or depression
- Rebel against authority
- Escape boredom or loneliness

Instead of just saying "Don't do it," ask:

> “What do you think makes some people drink or use drugs?”

When they reflect on the reasons, they’ll be more likely to recognize dangerous patterns in themselves and others.

4. Teach Them How to Say No Without Feeling Awkward

One of the biggest fears teens face is standing out when saying no. Equip them with responses that feel natural:

- "Nah, I’ve got practice tomorrow, and I don’t want to feel like crap."
- "I promised my parents I wouldn't, and I don’t want to lose their trust."
- "I just don’t like how that stuff makes people act."

Make it sound real, not scripted.

5. Set Clear Rules and Expectations

A lot of parents assume their teen “just knows” their stance on drugs and alcohol. Don’t assume—say it out loud.

> “I don’t want you drinking or using drugs because I care about your health and future. If you ever find yourself in trouble, you can call me, no questions asked.”

Boundaries show love, not control.

6. Be a Role Model

Your words won’t mean much if your actions don’t back them up. Teens notice everything. If you tell them to avoid drinking but have a habit of unwinding with multiple drinks yourself, they'll pick up on the mixed message.

Model healthy coping strategies for stress—exercise, hobbies, or talking things out—instead of turning to substances.

What If Your Teen Has Already Tried Drugs or Alcohol?

First, don’t freak out. If your teen admits to experimenting, remember that anger or harsh punishment can shut down future conversations. Instead:

1. Stay calm. Their honesty is a sign they trust you.
2. Ask open-ended questions. “What made you want to try it?” “Did you feel pressured?”
3. Set clear consequences. Let them know there are rules, but also room for learning.
4. Keep the door open for future talks. This shouldn’t be a one-time discussion.

Final Thoughts

Talking about drugs and alcohol with your teen is not easy, but it’s necessary. The more open, honest, and consistent you are, the better chance you have at guiding them toward good choices.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. Keep the conversation going, and remind them that no matter what happens, they can always come to you.