Sibling Bullying: How to Keep the Peace at Home

19 September 2025

As parents, we expect some level of sibling squabbling—it’s practically a rite of passage in most families, right? But what happens when the bickering turns into something deeper, something more harmful? Sibling bullying is real, and it can leave lasting emotional scars if left unchecked. Truth is, it’s not just typical sibling rivalry—it’s a hidden form of abuse that’s all too easy to overlook.

Let’s unpack this sensitive subject together. I’ll walk you through what sibling bullying is, how to spot it, and most importantly, how to create a peaceful home where each child feels safe, valued, and heard. Sound good? Let’s dive in.

What Is Sibling Bullying, Really?

Sibling bullying isn’t just fighting over the last cookie or who gets the front seat. It’s a repeated pattern of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse—one sibling consistently asserting dominance over the other through intimidation, manipulation, or aggression. Think of it as bullying with a built-in audience… and no escape, because it happens in their own home.

Here’s the difference:

- Sibling Rivalry = occasional fights and jealousy, with relatively equal power.
- Sibling Bullying = one-sided control, repeated harm, fear, and emotional distress.

Put simply, rivalry is normal. Bullying is not.

Common Signs of Sibling Bullying

Let’s be honest—when chaos is the soundtrack of your house, it can be hard to tell what’s normal squabbling and what’s not. But there are red flags that you really shouldn’t ignore.

Emotional and Behavioral Clues:

- One child always seems anxious, withdrawn, or depressed.
- You notice a dip in their self-esteem or confidence.
- They avoid spending time at home or around their sibling.
- The aggressor thrives on control and seems unaffected by punishments.

Physical Signs:

- Unexplained bruises or injuries (often brushed off as "playing too rough").
- Complaints of headaches or stomachaches (with no medical explanation).
- Trouble sleeping or nightmares.

Verbal Clues:

- Frequent name-calling, teasing, or harsh sarcasm—especially if one child is always the target.
- Threats like “If you tell Mom, I’ll…” followed by fear and silence.

Why Does Sibling Bullying Happen?

So here’s the million-dollar question: why would one child bully another? It’s a tough one, and the answer isn’t black and white.

Some root causes include:
- Struggles for attention: Kids crave your attention. If they feel ignored, they might act out—especially toward siblings who seem to get more praise.
- Power imbalance: Age, size, or maturity can give one child a perceived upper hand.
- Modeled behavior: If a child experiences or witnesses aggression at home (even from adults), they might mirror that behavior.
- Lack of boundaries: When we brush off behavior with “Oh, they’re just kids,” they learn what’s acceptable—and what’s not.

Bullying is often a sign that something deeper is going on. Your child might be hurting, confused, or simply not know how to communicate what they’re feeling. That’s where compassion comes in.

How to Intervene Without Making It Worse

Okay, so you’ve spotted the red flags. Now what?

Step 1: Stay Calm and Observant

Avoid swooping in guns blazing. Instead, take a step back and really watch what’s going on. See the patterns. Who starts the fights? Who ends up in tears every time?

Step 2: Talk to Both Kids Privately

Don’t shame the aggressor in front of their sibling. Pull them aside and say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a hard time with your sibling. Can you tell me what’s going on?” Be calm, non-judgmental, and open to listening.

Do the same with the other child. Ask open-ended questions like:
- “How do you feel when your sibling talks that way to you?”
- “What do you wish I knew about how things are at home?”

Step 3: Set Firm, Loving Boundaries

Children thrive when they know what’s expected. Make it crystal clear that teasing, name-calling, and physical aggression are not okay—ever. Implement consistent consequences, but also rewards for positive behavior.

Creating a Home Where Peace Can Thrive

It’s not just about stopping the bullying—it’s about building an environment where that kind of behavior can’t take root in the first place.

1. Prioritize Individual Time with Each Child

Jealousy and resentment often start when a child feels overlooked. Try carving out 15-30 minutes a day (even if it’s just while folding laundry or walking the dog) for one-on-one time. That undivided attention goes a long way.

2. Celebrate Differences, Equally

We all have that superstar child who excels at everything, right? But don’t let one child’s achievements cast a shadow over the other. Celebrate all kinds of wins—emotional growth, kindness, creativity, curiosity. Every child brings something special to the table.

3. Teach Empathy Early and Often

Make empathy part of your family culture. When a child lashes out, help them connect the dots between their actions and someone else’s feelings. Ask, “How do you think your sister felt when you said that?” It sounds simple, but those questions open hearts.

4. Model Healthy Conflict Resolution

Your kids are always watching. If they see adults handling conflict through yelling, manipulation, or cold silence, guess what they’ll mimic? Show them what respectful disagreement looks like.

What Not to Do When Sibling Bullying Happens

Let’s talk about the common traps good parents fall into—because hey, we’re all human.

Don’t Assume It’ll Just Pass

Unaddressed bullying doesn’t go away on its own. In fact, it tends to fester and get worse over time. Left unchecked, it can lead to lifelong resentment—or worse, lasting trauma.

Don’t Play Referee Every Time

While it's tempting to resolve every disagreement yourself, doing so robs kids of the chance to develop problem-solving skills. Instead, guide them through it. Ask, “How can we solve this together?” rather than jumping in with a verdict.

Don’t Label the Kids

Beware of saying things like “He’s the mean one” or “She’s always so sensitive.” Kids live up (or down) to the labels we give them.

Getting Help: When to Bring in the Pros

Sometimes, even with all the love and structure in the world, sibling bullying persists. That’s not your failure—it’s just a sign that professional guidance might help bring clarity and healing.

Look into:
- Family therapy
- Individual counseling (for both the bullied and the bully)
- Parent coaching

If there are mental health concerns, trauma, or behavioral issues in play, early intervention makes a world of difference.

Teaching Long-Term Conflict Resolution Skills

Let’s face it—your kids are going to have disagreements throughout life. What you teach them now equips them not just for peace at home, but for healthier friendships, relationships, and workplaces in the future.

Skills That Matter:

- Taking responsibility for actions
- Listening without interrupting
- Apologizing sincerely
- Asking for what they need without attacking others

These aren’t just kid skills—they’re life skills. And your home is the perfect training ground.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Raising siblings is like trying to juggle flaming swords—blindfolded—on a unicycle. It’s messy, emotional, and sometimes downright exhausting. If sibling bullying has crept into your home, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re in the trenches of parenting, doing the hard work.

Creating peace at home takes time, patience, and a whole lot of heart. But the good news? You’ve already taken the first step by caring enough to learn more and do better. That says everything about the kind of parent you are.

So hang in there. Keep showing up. One loving boundary, one empathetic conversation, one peaceful day at a time—you’re building the kind of home your kids will one day thank you for.